December

A shift has happened.  Life is opening up.  Brain rewiring finally progressing.

Am I an Ass?

I just asked my dog Lucy if it was hard to be my dog, or did she realize that she was sitting in the midst of greatness?

Letting Hurt Go

Letting Hurt Go seems to be the deepest pain.  I don't want to, I don't, I don't, I don't- fists slamming over and over into the grass and dirt on t he hillside.  My strength is my weakness-  that is the theme.  My strength is my weakness-  Defense stifles and doesn't let go- it protects with vigor and delightful tension....My strength is my weakness.

Warrior

My brothers and I took a pact.  The pact to be Warriors of Humanity.  We agreed that we must challenge the Warriors of Survival and fight to our death. 

Defense

My most prominent feature.  I am full of it, have it oozing from several pores and orifices.  I hear from a filter of blame, judgment, set-up, topple, destroy, punches coming at me and through me.  Underlying Intents, battles, wars, rages, injustice, vengeance, despair.  No wonder the exterior won't change.

Anger

Anger consumes me- it takes over.  Choking me and I don't resist.  I like it, I feel alive, ready to go-  the only time I feel as if I have an effect or am productive.  If I scream out loud, I might not stop. 

October 4th

In 2002, I walked into the gym and began the systematic process of killing myself off.  Actually killing the part of me actually killing myself off.
I dove in heart and soul-- I always do.  I ache to let my creativity and passion out and I stifle it constantly.  I watch others go through the same process, it is our culture, our right to be American.  I understand the heritage of "trying to get away from something"  It is what we were founded on.  It is honorable and our ancestors were doing the best they could and pushing limitations.  I decided in 2002 to honor their quest by joining one myself.